alice bradley of finslippy wrote a post* yesterday (that is still getting numerous comments) about a sliver of what it’s like to be a girl/woman/female. while i can certainly see where she’s coming from, because i’ve been the object of someone’s unwanted affection, i now have the glorious pleasure of watching it happen to my daughters: age 9.

9

do you work at subway? ’cause you just gave me a footlong.

i choke my chicken.

these are not things my girls should have to think about at 9. not things i should have to explain. i can’t remember when i first heard euphemisms for erections and masturbation, but i’m sure it wasn’t in the 4th grade! and while i was sexually harassed in 4th grade by having a couple of boys push me over to see my underpants, i didn’t know it was sexual harassment until i was an adult. i didn’t understand the depth of the way those boys treated me until i was much older. and the way those 4th grade boys treated me was much more innocent (although a definite precursor to more damaging behaviors) than what my girls are currently unknowingly enduring.

but it hurts more now.

to watch from the sidelines & hear about it from their lips makes my stomach sick and my heart go numb.

i want to follow the 7th grade punk home an give him what-for.

i want to scream at him at school, in front of his peers.

i want to make him feel as small as a flea, so that he might get even a small taste of what it’s like to be a girl.

and while i know he’ll never know what it’s like to be a girl, i also want to teach him how not to turn into a lecherous man who says inappropriate things to girls and women. i want him to know that he can’t talk to females this way. for if we don’t let him know all of this now, then what does that tell him? that’s it’s okay! he can walk all over any woman he chooses and can treat her like a dog or an object.

but before that, i want him punished. i want him afraid of ever doing this again. i want him to understand the fear women and girls feel when they are treated this way.

nut then i have to wonder if i do all of that, would he react with retaliation? and why do i have to worry about the consequences of his punishment? why is the victim the one who has to worry so damn much?

would police involvement deter him? ’cause the shit he’s saying and doing (and there’s more) is not as small as him. it’s huge. it’s big enough that if it’s not handled well, there will be problems.

i know i’m strong enough to handle unwanted advances and have done what i needed to do, but i’ll always be scared that they aren’t equipped with the tools to take care of themselves. i mean, they’re 9. i shouldn’t be worried about this at 9, right? regardless, my heart will follow them around and urge them to stand tall, scream loudly and violently that the are not objects, but secure and beautiful girls who deserve better than what is happening to them and happens all the time to women everywhere.

we are all deserving of this most simple of things: respect.

*there’s more to the post than just how women are treated as objects, but this is the point that strikes me the most today, since we are currently dealing with this exact issue in our house.